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i like your moxie, sassafras!

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Baby's first gold tooth, initials inscribed
dean writes
Hi, everybody!

The delightful gekizetsu tagged me on that "five favorite pieces you've written" thing going around, and I am apparently powerless to resist a girl with weird cowlicks.


(1) Lacuna. This story was a challenge for me on so many levels. I don't like writing sex scenes, and this story has quite a few. Also, this story insisted on coming out in the second person, which was uncomfortable and awkward for me. I had to say some of the lines out loud to make sure I'd gotten them right. In addition, the point of the story was a relationship that very few people liked; I don't think I changed anything for the audience's sake, but I was aware that I was treading a very fine line. I had a hard time with two points particularly, and I like to think I got away with one of them: the fact that Cassie is essentially a Mary Sue. She's a smart, literary girl who falls for Dean - I'm trying to think of someone in this fandom that at least part of that doesn't apply to. The other thing is still a sore spot for me - the ending. It's not as strong as some people would have liked, and I think it's a flaw in the story. I mean, the ending is exactly what I wanted, but I think my expectations and my readers' didn't match up. This is the first story on which people - that I knew and that I didn't - felt free to offer up constructive criticism, and for that alone it would make it to this list.

(2) Sita. This story was an entirely different kind of challenge. I hadn't written a lot of dialogue before, and this one was pretty much nothing but, since I decided to interpret a challenge literally and write in script-format. I like that it's a post "Devil's Trap" piece that just gets going, lets the implications of that episode be felt without wallowing in them. I'm also very pleased with the way the show's mythology tied in nicely with a story from my own culture and religion, a story I grew up with. And I totally succumbed to Mary Sueness here too, giving Dean a little Indian girl to pal around with. I have no shame.

(3) Thanatopsis. I'd been wanting to play with contrasts between "insider" and "outsider" viewpoints for a while, and this story was how I got to do it. I like the way the pieces fit together, but not neatly. Plus, I'm very proud of the way I took a wretchedly maudlin prompt (one of my own) and came up with a story that didn't pander to it. And I still ache over the sorrow of this little baby Dean.

(4) Devil in a Yellow Dress. This one was a blast to write. Or at least the first part was - I got some upsetting real-life news about halfway through, and I couldn't recapture that joy the second time around. No one seemed to notice the break, though, so I'm glad that the delight I had in the first part spilled over. This one was really supposed to be just a little zany het story, but the brothers' relationship ended up being the part that was the most fun and challenging to write. I think this one is just plain fun.

(5) the BEN AND DEAN scenes. These scenes have been incredibly liberating for me, in so many ways. I've never posted a WiP before, and it's a whole new challenge (I have to say I don't know how people routinely post WiPs - it's nerve-racking). It's also very interesting to try to figure out who these boys are, to distinguish them from each other and from the selves they were with Sam. These are the stories closest to my heart, and it's a weird feeling, because I've never been responsible for *creating* my own happy place before. I've always found it in stuff other people have written, but here I'm kind of doing it myself, and it's overwhelming.

So there are my top five fics for this fandom. I won't tag anyone, because I'm probably the last to do this, but have at it, if you're so inclined.

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>>I am apparently powerless to resist a girl with weird cowlicks.>>


>>I mean, the ending is exactly what I wanted, but I think my expectations and my readers' didn't match up.>>

You know, that's such an interesting point. I've had that happen before, and I love it that readers have expectations and I also love it that authors stick to what they wanted to happen. XD

I love how you write, doll. I need to say so more often. And yes I am 'shipping Ben and Dean. I can't help it.

Barb, you vixen, look what you made me do!

Reader expectations are weird, especially when you post complete stories and don't talk much about your stories as you write them. In this case, though, I was completely clear that Dean would not try to convince Cassie that he was telling the truth; he knows he's been honest with her and that there's real love between them, and if she chooses to walk away, he's not going to stop her. It has to be her choice. His choice was telling her the truth.

I love how you write, doll. You are too good to me. It's your writing that inspires me.

And yes I am 'shipping Ben and Dean. I can't help it. WHOO-HOO! More soon, I promise!

This is such an interesting meme, to see what people pick out for themselves.

These are the stories closest to my heart, and it's a weird feeling, because I've never been responsible for *creating* my own happy place before. I'm very happy you have your own happy place!! And to create a pairing for us all to enjoy ;)

I like that you have picked things where you challenged yourself and felt that you met that challenge for various reasons - your writing is so strong anyway, it is interesting to see how you've set and met those.

I'm sorry you had bad RL news and hope all's well with you now.

It's been really interesting to see what people come up with - though I'm such a doof that I'm disappointed when people don't list the stories I most associate with them.

Awww, thanks for the kind words about B&D!

It was pretty illuminating choosing my five for this, since a lot of the time people seem to read something different than what I thought I was writing. Like "Chimera" - I thought that was a funny piece, so I was really surprised when people found it scary. I guess with these five fics I had a clear idea of what I was doing and I feel like it showed in the finished product.

The RL stuff hasn't gone away yet, but I'm hoping it will. Thanks, sugar.

I guess with these five fics I had a clear idea of what I was doing and I feel like it showed in the finished product.
Yes, absolutely. I feel like the fics I am most happy with are where I had my aim and I achieved it. Anyway, I have enjoyed seeing what people have picked too - while avoiding doing it myself, lucky I didn't get tagged. :)

I told you how much I love you recently?

No, but tell me more!

This was really illuminating; do you want to give it a whirl?

That's so interesting that 'Lacuna' was a toughie for you for so many valid reasons. Have I told you that it is my canon? It made me see Cassie in a positive light.

I remember your very kind rec, so yes, I know how you feel about the story. Thanks!

It's frustrating, but my fics become my canon too, and I feel like I can't take a second crack at any of the things I've already written. Like I'd love to write a story about Sam losing his virginity, but I just *can't* because I think, "No, he lost his virginity to Irene. Case closed." Argh!

You know, I don't ever think I've mentioned it, but I totally see Ben as Jesse Spencer of "House," except without the Aussie accent. Is that an okay delusion to have?

He actually *does* kind of look like JA, too... http://community.livejournal.com/house_daily/179252.html

Huh. I very, very rarely write an original character with a real person in mind as a physical model. In fact, I think I've only done it once, and even then I kind of forgot about it halfway through (it was Krista in "One Night in Bangkok," and I pictured her as Minka Kelly). So whoever works for you as a reader works for you - I don't really get a say in that.

Except. I don't find Jesse Spencer attractive and I obviously find Ben distractingly lovely. And really, Ben is significantly darker-skinned than Dean, and JS is remarkably fair; factually, it doesn't work, but it's all fiction anyway, right? So, to sum up - that's not who I would picture, but if you like that image, then go with it.

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