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therapeutic thump

i like your moxie, sassafras!

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a little note of cheer in a pit of suck
me in springfield
I feel like I've been failing at all sorts of things lately. Work is stressful beyond belief, as a very large-scale project I've been managing is being pushed into super-high gear (it's been in high gear since the end of January) and toward (a possibly premature) completion. If this project succeeds, it's going to be great and make a lot of things at this place so much smoother and better and smarter. If it fails, though, that's all going to fall on me, because the person who conceived of the project and foisted it on me is the type to take credit but assign blame.

I can't even guarantee the girls who are working for me on this project a timeline for how much longer they'll be employed, because that decision has been taken out of my hands, even though they report to me, I keep an eye on what they're doing, and no one else even gets what they're doing. So clearly I should not be the judge of whether they are doing well or not.

I've barely written - I've done a lot of birthday fics and ficlets (and I have another to try to tackle this weekend), but I haven't been able to touch either of the two big projects I wanted: (a) the super-long childhood AU I started for spn_j2_bigbang or (b) the next Ben and Dean scene. I feel really down in the dumps about both of them; it was in October that I posted scene ten of the series, and I saw someone mentioning that she'd been waiting for scene eleven for what felt like forever. I can't find the time to write, due to work and additional stresses, and I can't get into the right frame of mind either. I need a cheer IV or something. Stat.

But! This helped! This is an excerpt from a Comic-Con panel for Fringe, the new show starring the adorable Joshua Jackson and co-created by J. J. Abrams (http://www.thefutoncritic.com/rant.aspx?id=20080726_fringe): "J.J. says Supernatural is one of Joshua's favorite shows and he finds it a good show as well." Yay! I have fond hopes that the CW heard that, patted itself on the back, and decided to give the show a fifth year and money for music. Here's hoping.

Anyway. How are you all doing?

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I'm having a weekend of music, with not one but two concerts. We had the first tonight, and it went off okay. Tomorrow is more challenging, we're playing Elgar, Debussy, Mendelssohn, and the music from Pirates of the Caribbean and Pirates of Penzance. And dressing like pirates. It's an afternoon concert which means my mum will come (she can't go to evening ones because she's on kidney dialysis overnight and it ends too late!). I'm looking forward to it - I had to take a whole weekend off work for all the rehearsals, and to be honest I'm extremely excited about the possibility of sleeping in and then doing laundry tomorrow before donning pirate ness and heading out. Although it is supposed to snow (again).

Your work sounds very stressful at the moment. They're lucky to have you, both because you're good at it, but also because you care about the welfare of those under you. I think that's very important.

I think as soon as writing becomes an additional stress (as opposed to stress reliever or escape) you should snap down the lid of the laptop and go for a walk or go ice-skating or swimming or to a ridiculous foreign film from CUBA or something that you pick out of the newspaper with a pin. You'll write when you're good and ready!

So... I'm busy as usual. But fine. Tired but not unhappy because of it. Which is pretty good, come to think of it. *hugs*

Hey - how Renaissance can one woman get? What do you play? (Y'arrrrrrrgh! And yay Mom!)

That's very good advice about the writing, but I think my stress has to do with me wanting it so much, and knowing how fantastic it feels to write and to finish something that I'm proud of. And I can't seem to get it.

I'm glad you're busy and happy and awesome as ever! You rock!

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