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therapeutic thump

i like your moxie, sassafras!

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a little note of cheer in a pit of suck
me in springfield
I feel like I've been failing at all sorts of things lately. Work is stressful beyond belief, as a very large-scale project I've been managing is being pushed into super-high gear (it's been in high gear since the end of January) and toward (a possibly premature) completion. If this project succeeds, it's going to be great and make a lot of things at this place so much smoother and better and smarter. If it fails, though, that's all going to fall on me, because the person who conceived of the project and foisted it on me is the type to take credit but assign blame.

I can't even guarantee the girls who are working for me on this project a timeline for how much longer they'll be employed, because that decision has been taken out of my hands, even though they report to me, I keep an eye on what they're doing, and no one else even gets what they're doing. So clearly I should not be the judge of whether they are doing well or not.

I've barely written - I've done a lot of birthday fics and ficlets (and I have another to try to tackle this weekend), but I haven't been able to touch either of the two big projects I wanted: (a) the super-long childhood AU I started for spn_j2_bigbang or (b) the next Ben and Dean scene. I feel really down in the dumps about both of them; it was in October that I posted scene ten of the series, and I saw someone mentioning that she'd been waiting for scene eleven for what felt like forever. I can't find the time to write, due to work and additional stresses, and I can't get into the right frame of mind either. I need a cheer IV or something. Stat.

But! This helped! This is an excerpt from a Comic-Con panel for Fringe, the new show starring the adorable Joshua Jackson and co-created by J. J. Abrams (http://www.thefutoncritic.com/rant.aspx?id=20080726_fringe): "J.J. says Supernatural is one of Joshua's favorite shows and he finds it a good show as well." Yay! I have fond hopes that the CW heard that, patted itself on the back, and decided to give the show a fifth year and money for music. Here's hoping.

Anyway. How are you all doing?

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I'm sorry things are so FUBAR at work, hon. I know it can be so frustrating to not only be stressed out in RL, but to have those demands mean that you don't get the stress relief that writing and fandom can bring.


*plugs in your IV of high-octane Dean*

I know work has been devouring you alive lately. *hugs* Let me know if you want to talk, okay?

Ha! Why do you think I invited you to dinner? Mwahaha!

I'm so sorry your work is so stressful - it can be very hard to switch off and find the right frame of mind to get into the writing zone, which is hard when that in itself is a help in the switching off - it becomes a vicious circle. I hope your work calms down soon and that the project calms.

YAY FRINGE! I will be watching that, as an aside, being as the adorable J Jackson is in it, and good for me that he likes SPN! :) YAY!

It is indeed a vicious circle, and I'd really like to be done with it. Soon, I think.

Yay Josh Jackson!

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See? This is the kind of kindness I think of whenever fandom seems bent on being as ugly as possible. I'm so pleased to know you.

I'm feeling your pain, hon. If commiseration helps, I'm feeling in much the same position with work and in writing (or lack thereof) so you definitely have my sympathy. All I can say is hang in there. Things will get better in time. They have to ;).

Nowhere to go but up, huh? That's got to be true - you're right. Thanks!

Hey, I thought we were playing *touch* football!

the person who conceived of the project and foisted it on me is the type to take credit but assign blame.

I see my old boss has a twin. It's unfair when work stress rolls over into homelife and flattens your *happy place*. I tend to hit the garden while carrying as many sharp instruments as I can. Destruction venting. Highly recommended.

Ah, but I live in an NYC high-rise, so no gardening for me. I tend to retreat into books, which is helping a lot.

The thing is, this guy wouldn't even BE my boss, except he knocked my boss up, while married to someone else, with whom he has three kids under the age of 5. Klassy, no?

I hate it when you're the only one who knows anything and no one wants to hear what you have to say about the decision being made. *sends strength*

They're just willfully deaf! And stupid!

I need all the strength you can spare - thanks, honey.

all i can send is a lot of empathy? and also love for your icon.

I am totally misleadingly hot as an icon!


ps - you missed the baby being passed around at work on Thursday.

I wish I could cheer you up. I know it makes it harder when you're blocked and that writing outlet is cut off from helping. It's nice to see that in talks about an upcoming "big" network show Supernatural gets a mention.

You know what I like so much about Ben and Dean? Their interaction. As much as you're telling a specific story about them, each of the moments you write about are exactly that. Moments. Big and small. It's like looking in on your favorite couple (who you happen to like to watch getting it on) and seeing them relate. Watching how two people love each other. The intimicies and trust that go with belonging together. I know you're getting near the end of the story and don't want it to end but it's not going to. Not really. And people will always come up with cool requests about them. You'll probably come up with ideas. They've got these lives going on outside of the writers concious mins and I think they'll speak to you again. It's a long life together they're planning on living. There's a lot of story there, told or not. Remember that. And know those of us who get it, get that sometimes it's a wait for the next story. And when it's over, with writing, it's never over. We can reread and we can daydream and we can prompt. You're awesome and amazing and so talented. And you make me happy on my worst days (and I have many for my life is not of the good) because you friended me back and you show up on my flist and I see your name and I smile so big. That's one of those people in fandom I respect, look up to, makes me happy and she's on MY flist. I'd send you Jensen suckling a yellow flower to cheer you up, but alas, I don't have him. (and if I did I don't think I could let go of him since it's combining my two favorite things, pretty boy, yellow flowers...but I'd try ;-) )

You *did* cheer me up - never mind the tears in my eyes.

Thank you so much for these lovely words!

I am so touched that Ben and Dean mean so much to you, and that you were generous enough to cheer me like this. My flist is so much better for having you on it.

I'm having a weekend of music, with not one but two concerts. We had the first tonight, and it went off okay. Tomorrow is more challenging, we're playing Elgar, Debussy, Mendelssohn, and the music from Pirates of the Caribbean and Pirates of Penzance. And dressing like pirates. It's an afternoon concert which means my mum will come (she can't go to evening ones because she's on kidney dialysis overnight and it ends too late!). I'm looking forward to it - I had to take a whole weekend off work for all the rehearsals, and to be honest I'm extremely excited about the possibility of sleeping in and then doing laundry tomorrow before donning pirate ness and heading out. Although it is supposed to snow (again).

Your work sounds very stressful at the moment. They're lucky to have you, both because you're good at it, but also because you care about the welfare of those under you. I think that's very important.

I think as soon as writing becomes an additional stress (as opposed to stress reliever or escape) you should snap down the lid of the laptop and go for a walk or go ice-skating or swimming or to a ridiculous foreign film from CUBA or something that you pick out of the newspaper with a pin. You'll write when you're good and ready!

So... I'm busy as usual. But fine. Tired but not unhappy because of it. Which is pretty good, come to think of it. *hugs*

Hey - how Renaissance can one woman get? What do you play? (Y'arrrrrrrgh! And yay Mom!)

That's very good advice about the writing, but I think my stress has to do with me wanting it so much, and knowing how fantastic it feels to write and to finish something that I'm proud of. And I can't seem to get it.

I'm glad you're busy and happy and awesome as ever! You rock!

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